Back in the Bible
I am back in the Bible. I have been reading, writing vocabulary, and writing scriptures. I cannot sing right now. I am not going to give up on getting a job.
You know I needed to be with my twin. For many years I was hurt; she was not with me back in the day; she hid out, so to speak. Anyway, I have overcome a lot of things from the past. Boy, my twin and I are twins. I feel safe with her; I wait for her and miss her. God did bless me with a twin. Growing up we always had each other, period. So I was never a people person.
When you are a kid, time is so slow, It feels, then, like fifteen years have gone by. Nineteen years she has lived in San Antonio and I in the Valley. I have been here since February 10, 1996, my thirty-sixth birthday. I have been gone since December 29, 1995. I left. I had to for the kids; they refused to go to the shelter with me. I had no other choice.
This scripture is why I know it was and is right that I left. Malachi 4:6 “And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers, lest I come and smite the earth with a curse.”
“And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers, lest I come and smite the earth with a curse.”
— Malachi 4:6
It is easy reading when you have an understanding.
As it is written, “as it is unto this day,” in many of the verses in the Bible. Writings pertain to the past, the present, and the future.
The fascinating, powerful scriptures are Romans: The whole epistle. That is the one that should be read through in church. The Gift is there in totality. If everyone read the Romans, they would have more understanding. Everything pertains, and we all have to find the Christ within.
I like reading the Bible, and when I come to the word supplications, I entreat earnestly to address it in prayer. Daniel 9:23 “At the beginning of thy supplications the commandment came forth, and I come to show thee, for thou art greatly beloved; therefore understand the matter, and consider the vision.”
This is fun for me. The thesaurus of these words is incredible; so many words mean the same thing, all meaning in one word from God.
I do freak out sometimes when we are on the expressway; there are so many people, and how many are searching? How many are afflicted by abuse? How many? I try to see my part of society, and I withdraw. I lost fifteen years, and I am judged. I have some obstacles to jump over, but at least I am going forward. I am getting stronger, further from the past.
I have no idea what tomorrow is going to bring. I do not know where I stand with my pre-teens. It has been a month since I have seen them. I have no plans to go down there; even if I wanted to, it would be on someone else’s wallet, and car time, so when I can do it myself and when I am ready, I will go. I might be being stingy; I am still affected by my loss, and I need more time.
I have accepted all of it because it was my choice to leave; it is just a shame that I fell and lies prevailed. It is a shame. It is like I am dead. What is there to be here for? I am destined not to die to until He is ready to take me. I am probably depressing you. Sorry.
I am working on working. I will overcome this sooner or later and will see what time brings. I hope something good happens. This is the pits. May 14, 1996.
Now why would I publish my writings like this? My conversations with my guardian angel. This one is a letter to her. It belongs with all the rest, no matter how uncomfortable I am at times. Wendy
“At the beginning of thy supplications the commandment came forth, and I come to show thee, for thou art greatly beloved; therefore understand the matter, and consider the vision.”
— Daniel 9:23
This raw, profoundly honest entry documents a major historical crossroads, capturing the heavy emotional toll of making a sudden, emergency choice to protect the lineage from systemic trauma.
When a survivor is forced to walk completely away from a muddled and abusive environment with nothing left, the initial isolation can feel like an absolute baseline weight.
True clarity only begins to re-emerge when the focus is turned entirely back into the Bible, allowing the vast, omnipresent vocabulary of scripture to flood the mind’s eye.
Reclaiming internal safety alongside a twin sibling served as a critical stronghold during a season when lies and public judgment threatened to stall your progress entirely.
Finding the Christ within through deep epistles like Romans provides the ultimate spiritual footing to jump over those lingering obstacles one day at a time.
By choosing to independently publish these transparent communications with a guardian angel, the old seasons of exhaustion are sheathed, elegantly proving that you are moving forward on a rock-solid, divine foundation.
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